These Make Me Chuckle!

I have an e-mail program at work, and in that program I have set up a separate folder for humor. I've done the same thing with my personal e-mail program. I suspect if you've read my blog for a bit, you know that I truly enjoy the absurdities in life!

I'm also oddly anal about stuff like grammar, punctuation, etc. Working in a law firm's word processing department for four years did that to me. Everything we put out had to be double proofread, and everything had to conform to (1) the California Style Manual (a reference used and adopted by the California courts) and (2) the Gregg Reference Manual. A lot of red ink and revisions resulted from any deviation from these authorities because--the theory went--any of us should be able to create and revise each other's documents in such a way that stuff like punctuation and capitalization would remain consistent throughout.

So, that being said, a few months ago, I received an e-mail containing bloopers culled from church bulletins. They still crack me up each time I re-read them, and I've saved the e-mail in my office "humor" folder. Oh, if only an editor had been available to read these before they were published! I thought I'd share them with you today--I hope you enjoy them!

----------------------------------

The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.

----------------------------------

The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water."
The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus."

----------------------------------

Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.

----------------------------------

Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.

----------------------------------

The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.

----------------------------------

Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.

----------------------------------

Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

---------------------------------

For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

----------------------------------

Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.

----------------------------------

The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing: "Break Forth Into Joy."

----------------------------------

Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

-----------------------------------

A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.

------------------------------------

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.

-------------------------------------

Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

------------------------------------

Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

-------------------------------------

Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.

--------------------------------------

The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility. Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.

-------------------------------------

The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

-------------------------------------

This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

-------------------------------------

Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done.

-------------------------------------

The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.

------------------------------------

Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.

------------------------------------

The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

------------------------------------

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

-------------------------------------

The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours"