The Blog Post That Will Not Die

Gosh, I've been kind of surprised at all the reaction to my earlier post this week about "gifts" from Hubby and my occasional less-than-nice thoughts. Or, to be more accurate, it didn't quite surprise me at FIRST, but I've tried distracting all of you with cross-stitch pillows and berry cobbler recipes the last couple of days, but you still want to comment on that post! So I guess we're not quite done yet.

Of course, there's always more to a story, and there's more story behind each of those gifts I mentioned in that first post, but that wasn't really the point of the post--my grumpiness was the point. And it seems from the comments left that many of you have had similar experiences and thoughts along life's rocky road. Although this particular post focused on experiences with a spouse, I'm sure we'd all have just as many stories to tell if the subject was our relationships with our parents, our children, or anyone else we've lived with for some time. It's not always sunshine and laughter in any relationship, although I think there's a certain blessing to be found in our ability to laugh at some of the "relationship stuff" instead of cry!

From the comments, I see that some of us have been unfortunate in our relationships. I know what that's like. My first marriage didn't work out, and truthfully, the first five to ten years of my marriage with Hubby--well, let's just say that I was the romantic one and he--not so much. Somewhere along the way, that changed. Relationships--long term ones--are like that; up and down, ebb and flow, but obviously there's something there that makes us keep going.

There were a couple comments that seemed to question a bit whether I do nice things for Hubby--or maybe it was just my reading of the comments and they weren't intended that way at all. But of course I do. Marriage is a partnership and each of us is thoughtful of the other. But I don't feel the need to talk about the wonderfulness of myself--that wasn't what it was about. Hubby can tell you what bliss it is to be married to me--or not, as the case may be. But he's still here, so I guess I'm not too bad.

And I wasn't trying to make Hubby look bad in that post. There are plenty of stories from the 29 years of our marriage that would have done the job better if that was my intent. (And I'm sure that door swings both ways!) I can tell you, too, that if you had the impression I don't appreciate Hubby, that's not the case. Hubby does plenty of things that are completely wonderful, like when I find he's cut a single rose from the garden and put it in a bud vase somewhere for me to find, or when I come home from work and he asks whether I'd like an iced latte. Those simple little thoughtful gestures are the ones I appreciate most, without any of those grumpy thoughts I mentioned in that prior post.

And my grumpy self? Well, two weeks ago, on July 3rd, I quit smoking, cold turkey, so I have a free pass that allows me to be grumpy, cranky, depressed, and out-of-sorts for a little while still. But that's another blog post for another day. Thanks for stopping in to visit.

It's Cobbler Time!

When I went grocery shopping last week, I found blackberries were on sale, so I brought home a large container and baked up some cobbler over the weekend. (Isn't that potholder cute? My friend Eileen made it for me a couple years ago!) Want the recipe? It will work with any type of berries--probably diced up fresh peaches too! Here you go:

FRUIT COBBLER

1/2 cup butter, softened
1 to 1-1/2 cups of sugar (depending on sweetness of fruit)
1/2 cup milk
1 heaping cup of flour
1/2 teaspoon of salt
2 teaspoons of baking powder
2 to 3 cups of berries (or other soft fruit)
1 cup cold water

Preheat oven to 350-375 degrees.

In a medium bowl, cream butter with half the sugar. Set aside remaining sugar, berries, and water. Add the rest of the ingredients to the creamed butter/sugar mixture and fold in well. Drop batter by spoonfuls into ungreased 8" square pan (I used a rectangular glass pan and it worked fine).

Spread berries/fruit over dough. Sprinkle with reserved sugar, and pour water over the top.

Bake for 45 to 60 minutes. Dough should be brown and slightly crisp. Eat. Enjoy! (It's really, really yummy topped with a scoop of vanilla bean ice cream!)

On the Lighter Side . . .

Okay, I think it's time to step back from exposing my deeper feelings to you and instead expose to you one of the things I've done recently. It's still about marriage though, so be warned!

A couple weeks ago, on one of my Goodwill hunting trips, I came across a framed cross-stitch. Here's what was written on the back:

Sadly, I would guess that maybe Dan and Michelle's marriage didn't last. (I actually know a Michelle who was married to a Dan whose marriage didn't survive past the birth of their third little boy in five years--wouldn't it be funny if the cross-stitch had been theirs?!)

Here's the front of the "picture." Apparently by the time I took this photo, I'd cleaned off the glass, so you can't see that it cost something like $2.99, I think.

I found the cross-stitch during my lunch hour on a day when I went to a class at the quilt shop after work. There I ran into Gran, our embroidery instructor, and Julia, another friend who enjoys embroidery, so I brought the cross-stitch in to show them and they were both fascinated. I also passed it around during class and the group of us talked a little about the message written on the back of the frame and wondered how it had ended up in a thrift store. Sometimes that's the fun of thrifting--imagining where something's been!

The cross-stitch was mounted onto an adhesive cardboard for framing and that had to be removed. There were also a couple little discolored spots on the cross-stitch, and after talking with Gran about possible cleaning methods, I washed and dried it using a soap she recommended. In order to stabilize the threads on the back, because I was worried that removing it from the sticky cardboard may have pulled a few loose, I used an light/medium weight iron-on interfacing on the back.

Finally, I made it into a pillow by adding a backing, stuffing, and a ruffle. I think it will look sweet on the bed in the guest bedroom, don't you?

P.S.: TODAY IS EILEEN'S BIRTHDAY! If you follow her blog, click on over there and wish her a happy day!

Warts And All

Well, yesterday's post struck a nerve among those of you stopping in to visit, and your comments were all over the place. You know, I struggled to write the post last night because what I wanted to convey was that I was very grateful for the things Hubby does for me and the thoughts behind his actions. What I don't like is what I see in myself--that certain something that seems to find fault in even the good things in life. I don't know if that came across to some of you.

I think many of us have men in our lives who don't always do exactly the right thing, but we appreciate the fact that they try. Some of us have men in our lives who get it right all the time. And some of us have men in our lives who don't try at all and don't care. But it really doesn't matter so much what we find in those around us but rather what we find in ourselves.

What I wrote, I wrote because I was being honest about myself and the fact that I'd like to somehow change that little voice inside my head that says something like "the roses are beautiful, and it was wonderful that he bought them, but after 29 years of marriage, why doesn't he know what color I like?" But I don't know how--no matter how much I tell myself it's unreasonable to expect perfection and that I should be happy with what I DO have, there's still that niggling little voice of doubt sometimes. And you know what? I think it might be insecurity and/or self-pity--the thought that maybe I'm just not good enough to inspire someone to remember or care about what I like or don't like. So, I don't know how to change that, but I'll need to think about it. Life is so much easier when you can just be happy all the time, isn't it?

One little insight I had in reading and thinking about all your comments was that many of us give other people what we want them to have, not what they truly would like. I guess an obvious example of that is the husband who buys his wife lacy lingerie as a gift. I do the same type of thing with Hubby--on gift occasions, I buy him clothes that I'd like to see him wear. Invariably he reverts to some goofy-looking, raggedy brew pub T-shirt and shorts that are too short, because that's what he's comfortable in. So, yeah, that's me imposing my idea of what Hubby should be--or should look like--on him; not me considering what Hubby would REALLY like. Just like Hubby giving me roses in a color HE liked, right?

I suppose my impending birthday started me thinking about gifts and such. I'm kind of odd about that--I don't like like getting gifts. I always feel awkward. If I could sit alone in a dark closet and open my birthday gifts, I'd be happy. Why is that? Another question about myself to ponder. I have gotten a little better with age though--at least there's that!

The comment from yesterday's post that I thought was kind of funny was one of the last ones that said something like--and I'm most definitely paraphrasing here--I should be grateful for the roses and not be publicly critical on my blog for all to read. Well jeez Louise! I have a BLOG. I tell people things. I'm not a very private, secretive person--as I think you've probably figured out. Most of you don't know me or Hubby personally, so what I tell you about my life has no more real impact on you--or us--than if you were reading a fictional story about someone. And for those of you who DO know us personally--well, you already know what we're like, what our relationship is like and how we interact, so you know I'm not trying to be mean here.

My life isn't perfect and neither am I. Most of the time, I try to keep my blog upbeat, but LIFE isn't always upbeat, and so sometimes there are other things to talk about. It's pretty unlikely that I'd write about anything Hubby, our kids, our family, or our friends and co-workers did just for the sake of complaining or whining about my life. That's not my style. But sometimes there are things going on in my life or thoughts that I may have that I want to explore and get your input about--for one thing, self-exploration and analysis and seeking input from others helps me grow as a person, I think.

So, thanks for commenting and letting me know what you thought and what your experiences have been. Obviously, we all have our own issues to deal with and we see things from different perspectives--and that's given me more to think about. What Amy R said in her comment really seemed to sum it all up:

"We are as we are, and they are as they are. . . . You aren't feeling this way out of malice, yet you feel it nonetheless. At the end of the day, we resolve to accept ourselves as we are and continue to strive to improve ourselves as best we can."

Stuff I Can't Say

My husband is a truly wonderful man and I'm very grateful that he thinks about doing nice things for me. That having been said, though--well, have you ever been given a gift you aren't too excited about or had someone do something "nice" for you and would have preferred they hadn't?

Yes, I know it's the thought that counts. But do you know what I really hate? I hate feeling critical of a gift or a thoughtful act--it makes me feel like I'm a mean person, and then I don't like myself very well. ARGH! Do you know what I'm talking about?

For instance, these lovely roses Hubby bought me for our anniversary.

Beautiful, aren't they? But I have to wonder why he picked this peachy/pink color. They don't go with anything in our house. And I know he didn't pick them for the meaning of the colors. He just picked them because they're a beautiful color. And they are! But I can't help wishing they were red or white or yellow--it seems like these are the one rose color that doesn't look so great in our home. And I feel guilty for thinking that.

The other day, Hubby was sweet enough to make cookies for me--one of my favorite kinds: peanut butter.

Except he burned them. He always burns cookies. He's a wonderful bread baker, but cookies? Nope. So now I have a bunch of my favorite burned cookies. And I feel like I should eat them because he made them for me--but they don't taste very good and they still have calories. And I feel guilty for not getting a big glass of milk and choking them down.

Remember I mentioned Hubby cooked dinner for our anniversary? Yes, I think it was very thoughtful and sweet of him. But you know what? For some reason he doesn't actually SEE messes. He thought he'd cleaned up the kitchen this morning, but take a look at the stove:

See the grease all over the front panel? There was other stuff like that too all over the kitchen. When he left the house today, I got out the cleaning stuff--I did it when he wasn't around, because I felt guilty for feeling I needed to clean up after he'd already cleaned.

I wouldn't actually SAY any of this stuff to him because I wouldn't want to hurt his feelings and, like I said, it's the thought that counts--I'm tickled he thinks of doing things to make me happy. But I hate how I make myself feel sometimes!

Does your spouse ever buy you the "wrong" gift or do the wrong thing for you? How do you handle it when that happens?