Thursday, September 6, 2007

These Make Me Chuckle!

I have an e-mail program at work, and in that program I have set up a separate folder for humor. I've done the same thing with my personal e-mail program. I suspect if you've read my blog for a bit, you know that I truly enjoy the absurdities in life!

I'm also oddly anal about stuff like grammar, punctuation, etc. Working in a law firm's word processing department for four years did that to me. Everything we put out had to be double proofread, and everything had to conform to (1) the California Style Manual (a reference used and adopted by the California courts) and (2) the Gregg Reference Manual. A lot of red ink and revisions resulted from any deviation from these authorities because--the theory went--any of us should be able to create and revise each other's documents in such a way that stuff like punctuation and capitalization would remain consistent throughout.

So, that being said, a few months ago, I received an e-mail containing bloopers culled from church bulletins. They still crack me up each time I re-read them, and I've saved the e-mail in my office "humor" folder. Oh, if only an editor had been available to read these before they were published! I thought I'd share them with you today--I hope you enjoy them!

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The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.

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The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water."
The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus."

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Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.

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Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.

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The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.

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Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.

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Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

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For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

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Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.

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The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing: "Break Forth Into Joy."

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Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

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A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.

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At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.

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Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
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Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

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Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.

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The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility. Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.

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The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

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This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

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Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done.

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The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.

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Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.

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The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

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Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

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The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours"

21 comments:

Owens Family Adventures said...

Those were great!!! Had me laughing out loud!!! hahahaha
dawn

Pat said...

ROFLMAO!!!!

Patty

Yvonne said...

LOLOL.....I'm really glad I read these BEFORE I got my coffee! Thanks for starting my day off with a laugh. :)

Yvonne said...

A wedgie??????? Did I hear you correctly?

Eileen said...

What you don't come up with. Next thing you will be repeating some of my goofs. LOL

Tracey @ozcountryquiltingmum said...

I am trying to blog quietly and having to hold my hand over my mouth so I don't wake DH!!!
Poor Irving and wife, the friendship is over! I have seen someof these before, but not all...do you really think they are real? Could anyone be that silly? Tracey

Jane Weston said...

How funny...I've got tears streaming down my face!!! thanks for sharing!

Darlene said...

Those were funny - LOL

Where can I get an electric girdle? LOL

Linda said...

Laughed from start to finish, thanks for the giggles to start my day.

The Chicken Lady said...

Very funny! Thanks for the giggles. :)

Julia said...

Oh my goodness, I am laughing right out loud!!! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
My 4 month old grandson keeps looking at me and smiling. He thinks that I am laughing at him.

You have made my day once again!!!

I will be showing these to DH when he gets home from work.

Marcie said...

Oh Kim, thanks so much! I love it!

Bonnie said...

Oh my, I laughed so hard I couldn't see the page! Thanks for a good laughing treat.

Sharon said...

If your into grammar and correct punctuation please leave my blog immediately. LOL
Those were funny though. Leave it to you.I can't wait to get home and get busy reading everyones blog. I'm so far behind.

Kim said...

there were some really great ones in there-thanks for sharing :)

Vicky said...

Laughing out loud here! When I need a laugh, I just come visit your blog! LOL

mar said...

I'm soo moody, I looked at these when you posted them and I thought oh I've read these and moved on. I came back today and read them again, LMAO, funny, funny, funny! Thanks Kim!

Nicole said...

Kim, you made my Diet Coke go up my nose! So funny.

Greenmare said...

Great laughs!
I have another one for you:
"All parish ladies please see the paster after church to recieve your Christmas goose"

atet said...

OMG -- I'm trying not to laugh too loud, it's early in the morning and my daughter is sleeping -- but way too funny!

Patti said...

Oh a reader board in front of a restaurant I go by sometimes on the way to work:

"Buy two people and receive breakfast free."

Saw it last yesterday when my daughter was taking me to get my shoulder x-rayed - still think it's hysterically funny.