Friday, October 3, 2008

Friday Funnies!

Nothing exciting happened today--I didn't even make a quilt! Sheesh, what a slacker I am! And after being up late much of the week, and working some overtime today, I'm a bit tired, so I'm going to bed early tonight with a good book. Our temperatures are finally cooling down here in Northern California and we're even anticipating a little rain by Saturday. I'm really ready for Autumn!

Did you see any of the vice presidential debate tonight? After what I had heard billed as our one good chance for the real life equivalent of a Saturday Night Live skit, I was a little disappointed that neither candidate seemed to make a fool of himself or herself. Bummer! What this country really needs is some fresh comic material! Well, I'm sure that one way or another, we'll get it soon enough.

In the meantime, here are a couple (non-political) funnies that have been sent to me the last couple days--I thought I'd share.


A distinguished young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the priest beside her, "Father, may I ask a favor?"

"Of course child. What may I do for you?"

"Well, I bought an expensive woman's electronic hair dryer for my Mother's birthday that is unopened and well over the Customs limits, and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?"

"I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie."

"With your honest face, Father, no one will question you."

When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her. The official asked, "Father, do you have anything to declare?"

"From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare."

The official thought this answer strange, so he asked, "And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?"

"I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused."

Roaring with laughter, the official said, "Go ahead, Father. Next!"


A teacher was explaining biology to her 4th grade students. "Human Beings are the only animals that stutter," she said.

A little girl raised her hand and said, "I had a kitty-cat who stuttered."

The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could be, asked the girl to describe the incident.

"Well," she began, "I was in the back yard with my kitty, and the Rottweiler that lives next door got a running start and before we knew it, he jumped over the fence into our yard!"

"That must've been scary," said the teacher.

"It sure was," said the little girl. "My kitty raised his back, went 'Sssss, Sssss, Sssss,' and before he could say 'Shit,' that Rottweiler ate him!"

The teacher wet her pants laughing.


Lorraine said...

what no quilts....!! ....and it's Friday night of a long weekend....oh that's right...that's here in Aus!! Sorry!! I hope to get some stitching done over the weekend but not sure I can come anywhere near your output.....!! Have you started any projects from the Homespun mags yet?

MichelleB said...

Thanks for the Friday morning funnies.

Sinta said...

I guess you will just have to quilt over the weekend to make up for your slacking! Thanks for the humor! I miss hearing jokes... and you are right, we need more humor!

Yvonne said...

LOLOL.....thanks Kimmy....those were good!

Cowguy said...

Plus 2 for the Kimster. lol


Nan said...

Too funny! Thanks, Kim!!