Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Caution When Diving . . .

. . . into the gene pool. I know it's not very charitable, but do you ever feel concern for children whose parents seem . . . well, let's just say "less than sharp"? On a larger scale, do you ever worry about the future of humanity when idiots are able to procreate?

During my lunch hour today, I made a quick trip to the grocery store, put my groceries in the car, and headed to the Starbucks next door. A line! A wait! ARGH! With conflicting images of an iced latte on the one hand, and wilting veggies and a package of shrimp in a hot car on the other hand, I tried to wait my turn patiently. And I'm not a patient person. In front of me were two women with their children--one a baby in its mother's arms and one a child few years older. The woman with the older child appeared to be about 11 months pregnant. We waited . . . and waited . . . and when it was their turn to order, it was quickly apparent the pregnant woman had not--in all this time waiting--given a single thought to what she wanted to order.

How do you do that? Go to Starbucks and not know what you want? Stand in line for five minutes and still not know what you want? The future of the human race does not look bright folks. I'm just sayin . . . .

My thoughts on the gene pool were brought home tonight--literally and on a personal level--and well illustrated by the idiocy of two of my brothers in law. Since I'm well past child-bearing age, there's not much I can do about it now but warn my children. Kids, if you're reading this, I'm sorry to tell you, but you have the idiot gene in your DNA. Bummer! I hope it's recessive because I don't want air-head grandchildren. Make sure that whoever you chose to procreate with has an IQ of at least 170--that might help to offset any less fortunate genes passed on through your father's side of the family.

So anyway, here's what happened. Two of my brothers in law and a friend were golfing on Sunday. It was a youth group charity fundraiser. One brother in law had a golf cart, and the other brother in law and his friend had another golf cart. They had been drinking. Alcohol. At a youth group fundraiser. Idiots! But that's not the worst part.

Brother in law #1 hopped in his golf cart and drove himself to the next hole. He parked, got out, and was teeing up when Brother in law #2 came up over a hill, driving his golf cart at full speed, and ran over Brother in law #1.

Brother in law #1 went to the emergency room, where his dislocated shoulder was popped back into place. Other than the shoulder, we gather he's okay, more or less. Of course, there's not much they can do to fix the underlying problem--faulty DNA.

So let this be a lesson. Insist on an IQ test before sex. And don't drink with idiots. You might get pregnant. Or run over.

21 comments:

Teresa said...

LOL Kim...why don't you tell how you really feel and stop holding it in?

anne bebbington said...

And as a last resort just hide the golf buggy keys - right I'm off to find a hankie to wipe away the tears of laughter streaming down my face!

Nancy said...

My teenager thanks you for the "lecture topic" this morning...

Me? I am laughing out loud....

Owens Family Adventures said...

okay...truthfully?? When you got to the part about him being run over I maaaaaaaaay have laughed and choked on my coffee. giggle. snort! giggle!
The lady in line?? She lives here too and drives me nuts!
dawn

The Southern Mom said...

Bwahaha! Too funny. With idiots like that you'd probably have a hit-and-run pregnancy!

Becky said...

I can't stop laughing. I think you and my husband could be best of friends.

Cowguy said...

The awesomeness of this story is... awesome. lol

Brother-in-law bumper buggies meet Death race 2000.

Score!

Thimbleanna said...

Were you at our Starbucks??? And I'm sorry, but I may have laughed just a little bit...ok, a lot...at the BIL story. Very Funny!

Beth in AL said...

Good Morning Kim - I can't stop laughing! So thankful Bro-in-law is ok! I bet once all the bruises are healed this will be one story they will "brag" on for quite a while!

Hugs, Beth
Birmingham, AL

Quilt Hollow said...

Excellent! Thank you for making me chuckle again today! I want to give you the GOLD star....if ever a book be need be published of a blogger's wisdom...you get the gold star!

MichelleB said...

All I can say is, thank goodness you have BIL's like that, so that you can tell their stories! LOL

Lizzie said...

I love your blog and read it daily. Thank you for your commentary on the less than smart people out there. I agree and the story of the BIL, sad as it is, really made me laugh. I think every family has their "idiots". At least we get good stories from them.
Liz

Crazy for Primitive Quilts and Gardens said...

LMAO.... you made my day :o)

Linda said...

TFF!<-Too!Freakin'Funny! Thank you so much for that - I needed a good laugh! :)

Chocolate Cat said...

I am so glad I have my daily laugh to look forward to with your blog. Thank you!!
and it's true, there are just some people that shouldn't pass on their genes!!!

Winona said...

Kim,
I just love your blog. I am sorry, but I can't quit giggling about the BIL story. I am glad he wasn't seriously hurt, but the mental picture is just too much! Thanks for giving me another laugh. I agree, your blog stories would make a fabulous book.
Winona

Barbie Jo said...

Oh gosh Kim, Diet Coke is running out mmy nose!

i am very mary said...

We once had a family fistfight at a Christmas gathering. Yes huh.

Lorraine said...

gotta love the mix of alcohol, "boys" and anything motorised!!!...the vision of BIL#1 addressing the ball all ready to tee off with BIL#2 flying over the hill at breakneck (or "dislocated shoulder") speed ......cracks me up....!! I guess you could say what was he thinking....well he wasn't .... clearly!! LOL.....and as for people waiting in line....I think we all have a story there....I love people who are waiting to say...pay a bill.....there they are in the line.....waiting...waiting...(I am not a patient person either)...then it's their turn....the go to the counter and begin rummaging around in huge bags taking out everything but the kitchen sink and piling it up on the counter....finally find the bill...oops just have to wipe off last night's takeaway dinner.....then they have a similar hunt in the bag for the wallet and cards......grrrrr......btw I love that you hold back and don't say what you really think about some things....ROFLOL!!

Red Geranium Cottage said...

OMG ROFLOL!!!!!!!!!! That is not funny but I'm laughing!!!!! LOLOL!!! I'm glad YOU are related to the two idiots and not me.

Sis-in-law said...

I want a retraction. It wasn't brother hitting brother. It was a family friend who hit your brother-in-law. If your going to make the family look bad, at least get the story straight.