Friday, June 27, 2008

Mental Hospital Answering Machine

It's Friday night, and this seemed kind of funny! Yeah, I know I have a skewed sense of humor, but I thought you might enjoy it.

"Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline...

If you are obsessive-compulsive press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.

If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are a manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, no one will answer.

If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.

If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the pound key until a representative comes on the line.

If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, telephone number, date of birth, social security number, and your mother's maiden name.

If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, s-l-o-w-l-y & c-a-r-e-f-u-l-l-y press 0 0 0.

If you have bi-polar disorder, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. All operators are too busy to talk to you.

If you are menopausal, please hang up, turn on the fan, lay down & cry. You won't be crazy forever.

If you are blonde, don't press any buttons, you'll just mess it up."


Crazy for Primitive Quilts & Gardens said...

Lol, I still like this one :o)

Catherine said...

ROFLOL -- this one really had me laughing out loud!

Barbie Jo said...

Ha Kim, thats pretty funny. Now I am really confused as to which buttons to press, maybe all of them LOL!
Have a great weekend!

loulee1 said...

The old ones are the best.

Yvonne said...

LOLOL....yu are such a goof! :)
Thanks for the chuckle.....

Wendy K said...

Hi, I'm usually a lurker not a commenter but your posts are soooo fun, especially this one! Just had to let you know that you always make me smile!

anne bebbington said...

Soooooo funny!

Nancy said...


Thanks for the morning chuckle...I needed it...

Su Bee said...

OMG - my daughter put this on her cell phone voice mail and I hung up on it 4 times!! I kept thinking I had dialed wrong or she changed her number -- then I listened to the whole thing. Funny as hell!!!

Louise SS said...

That is so funny!!!

Sherry said...

OMG Kim, you are a nut! Too funny!

Nan said...

Funny to read again! Thanks for the laugh!