Tuesday, January 22, 2008

The Difference Between Men and Women

Maybe you've seen this before, but a friend of mine emailed it to me today and I hadn't. It was SOOOO true in a funny way that I thought I needed to share! Chew your food, swallow your coffee, and read on . . . .

HOW WOMEN SHOWER

Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.

Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see the husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

Look at your womanly physique in the mirror--make mental note to do more sit-ups, leg-lifts, etc.

Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah, and pumice stone.

Wash hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.

Wash hair again to make sure it's clean.

Condition your hair with grapefruit mint-conditioner.

Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until it's really red.

Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.

Rinse conditioner off hair.

Shave armpits, legs, etc.

Turn off shower. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.

Get out of shower. Dry with a towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.

Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.



HOW MEN SHOWER

Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.

Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake your winkie at her making the Woohoo sound.

Look at your manly physique in the mirror admiring the size of your winkie and scratch your butt.

Get in the shower. Wash your face. Wash your armpits. Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off. Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower. Spend majority of time washing your privates and surrounding areas. Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs sticking on the soap.

Wash your hair. Make a shampoo Mohawk. Pee. Rinse off and get out of shower.

Partially dry off. Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of the tub the whole time. Admire your winkie size in the mirror again.

Leave the shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.

Return to bedroom with towel around waist. If you pass wife, pull off the towel, shake your winkie at her, and make the Woohoo sound again.

Throw wet towel on bed.



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Yeah, not ALL women and ALL men fit completely, but isn't there a certain element of truth in there? Thanks for stopping by for a laugh!

13 comments:

Red Geranium Cottage said...

Now.........you know Mr. O of O actually washes his hair with the cucumber wash and scrubs his face with the apricot scrub. LMAO!!! But he has waved his winkie at me a time or two. ROFLMAO!!!

Su Bee said...

ROFL!!! OK - not ALL men and not ALL women, but I've been married 4 times, and I haven't met the odd guy out yet......
Strange - my DH and DS didn't think it was funny at all, which makes me laugh harder!!

Owens Family Adventures said...

hhahahahaha I laughed so hard I choked!!! hahahaha
dawn

Linda said...

Thanks for the spit alert, you get a gold star for remembering..... just too funny.

Brooke said...

I have gotten this email before...but it makes me laugh out loud EVERY time!! It is so so so so so true!!!!

anne bebbington said...

Soooooo true!!! thanks for the giggle :o)

Annemiek said...

I think that every time someone in my household takes I shower, I will start laughing!

Felicia said...

LOL Oh my goodness :)

Anne Marie said...

Kim, I love reading your posts!!! You really gave both me and my beloved a great laugh and he even agreed at how true it is!!!

Beth said...

The "How Men Shower" fits my stepdaughter to a tee, but for the "winky" part, in which case substitute it for boobies or something, but she learned it all from her dad, cuz he does this stuff too. I am not kidding, I would never make this stuff up!

Cowguy said...

Affirmative, check check and double check.

:-)

Red Geranium Cottage said...

OMG did Su Bee say she has been married 4 freakin times???? OMG ROFLMAO!!!!!! Whoa!!!

Crazy for Primitive Quilts & Gardens said...

Lol, this was so funny and so true! ROFLMAO!