What Happens at the Office Christmas Party . . .

Stays at the Office Christmas Party! And today was ours. I'll tell you a little bit though . . . the part that's mine to tell.

Unless you're a new reader to my blog, you know I work at a pretty terrific place, right? Today was our office Christmas luncheon/party at a swanky downtown restaurant. Heck, we had a blast! Luckily the restaurant assigned us our own separate room, well away from the other guests. (We've celebrated many occasions there, and I think they know us and our needs after all these years.)

This year, we had another one of those gift exchanges where you can steal someone's gift, but this time it was a white elephant gift exchange, and the theme was "tacky holiday decorations." First a little background.

A funny thing happened last Sunday while I was with my sister-in-law, Kath. She mentioned my mother-in-law wanted to get rid of a deer decoration I'd made and given to her quite a few years ago, but she didn't want to throw away something I'd made--she's nice like that! I quickly solved the problem by telling Kath I'd be happy to take it back and gift it at the office party. Unfortunately, I didn't get a photo of that deer, but it looked a lot like the one laying down in this photo below--I'd made myself a pair when I made them for other family members, and I re-painted and decorated mine a couple years ago--this was the before shot.

Well, the deer was a hit! The first person to open it said she thought it was one that had been on one of the tables the first time we had a Christmas party at this restaurant about 20 years ago, and after that, the deer was stolen until it couldn't be stolen any more. There were a few gifts like that: a bath towel that said "face" at one end and "butt" at the other; a singing chihuahua (Taco Bell type) dog; and a battery operated, light-up massager, among other things. (Yeah, you're right--none of these are "tacky holiday decorations" but they were fun anyway!)

And what did I end up with this time? Did I steal decorations from little children again? Sort of! Here's what happened--as best as I can recall and told in a way that is intended to protect the identities of those involved.

Around mid-gift opening, one of our secretaries opened a package to find a piece of wood cut in the shape of Texas and outlined with rope. Attached to the wood, all over Texas, were samples of different barbed wire. Pretty cool gift, huh? Certainly one of our guys thought so, because he promptly traded his own "gift" for Texas. The game progressed with Texas in great demand until a fracas arose over whether it could be stolen one more time or whether it had been stolen so many times it was considered "dead."

Now when I say "fracas," here's what happened--someone had Texas and someone else wanted it. A third person got involved and a "judge" had to be called in to make a decision about the rules and whether a trade was fair or considered a steal. (Something you should know--when it comes to rules, attorneys LOVE them and demand them, but they also like to break them. And then debate them. Ad nauseum.) Despite the judge's call, the battle raged on, and at one point someone had someone else in a head lock, bent over a chair. And somewhere in all of this, the battery operated, light up massager ended up "hidden" in someone's pants. Don't ask.

Eventually things settled down and the game drew to an end. Here's the kicker, though. I had #1 in the game, which meant I drew the first gift and had a chance at the end to steal anything I wanted--including the "dead" gifts. Excellent, yes?! So as I was wandering around the room, looking to see which of the tacky Christmas decorations would best fit into my home decor, one of the Texas combatants offered me $40, hard cash money, to take Texas from the person who had it and give it to the other person involved in the initial Texas takeover.

$40? You betcha! Gimme Texas dude!

So there you have the story about how Texas was bought through bribbery and trickery. All in all, I think I came home with the best gift--$40. Oh, AND I ended up with a candle too. Second place? The person who ended up with the metal Christmas tree with bells and packages of condoms hanging from it. Yep, where I work, we know how to have a good party!

Disclaimer (because someone prone to litigation might be reading this): This is a complete and utter fabrication because we all know attorneys would never behave in this manner, right? Uh huh. And, what happens at the office Christmas party . . . .